Tag Archives: Texans

Texans & Oh’s – Tuesday, October 7, 2019

So far this season, the Texans are something of an enigma. I really can’t tell what we have on the defensive side of the ball. While J.J. Watt is certainly rounding into regular form, this team still hasn’t turned out a great defensive performance. And while they had a number of great plays and stops against the Atlanta Falcons this week, they still allowed 32 points to a 1-4 team.

The offense, on the other hand, appears to be a juggernaut as long as Deshawn Watson stays vertical during the game. After the debacle last week against the Panthers, Watson turned the closest thing to a perfect game by ANY player in NFL history. For the record, he is the first player in NFL history to pass for 400+ yards and 5 touchdowns with 5 or less incompletions.

However, this being the Texans, we have our infamous nemesis, the Indianapolis Colts, to thank for possibly making things much more difficult next week against the Kansas City Chiefs. Not only did they hand the Chiefs their first loss of the season, they shut them down at home so badly they are likely to coming into this weeks matchup against the Texans looking for blood.

The good news is they may have also provided some dirt on how to shut down the unstoppable Chiefs offense. Of course, if the Watson and the Texans offense can start putting up the same kinds of numbers from Sunday, the defense can get away with letting the Chiefs score thirty or more points with abandon.

Season Says

After five weeks, the Texans are 3-2. I still believe they will win the division, and make the playoffs with a final record of 10-6. That’s a somewhat optimistic take built on what I hope to be the Texans’ first 6-0 season against the AFC South. We’ll see.

Super Bowl Pick

Right now I’m going with New England vs Green Bay.

That’s all my prognostication I’m prepared to print for now. See you next Tuesday.

Houston Fallgasm 2019

As Houston swelters in this first week of Steamtember, we patiently wait for the first cool front of the year when Houstonian’s have their annual Fallgasm.

The Houston Fallgasm is a phenomenon happening the morning of the first cool front after summer. On this special morning, Houstonians have an orgasmic reaction to waking up to a morning of low humidity with temperatures in the low 70’s or, hopefully, a chilly 69 degrees!

They moan their pleasure across all social media platforms, quivering in the enjoyment of the coming of Fall.

I’m here to announce, Groundhog Day style, my prediction for this year’s Fallgasm.

The 2019 Houston Fallgasm will happen on September 30th.

You must wonder how I can make such a prediction. I can tell you with certainty, how I know. The annual Houston Fallgasm ALWAYS falls the morning after a disappointing Houston Texans loss.

You see, the Kama Sutra of the Fallgasm is the Houston Texans schedule.

Depending on your point of view, this year shapes up to be a particularly strong Fallgasm, as its enjoyment is always tempered on the expectations the Texans build within their fan base before that, inevitable, first disappointing loss.

This season, the Texans play New Orleans (a Super Bowl favorite) in the Big Easy to open their season. They will win this game, and their fans will revel in the victory like a tourist chomping on beignets at Cafe du Monde the morning after a Bourbon Street one nighter.

They return to Houston to play divisional rival, Jacksonville. I lingered on this date for some time, but felt it was premature. However, I believe the Texans will destroy the Jags, only further stroking the hopes of Texans fans.

Then comes a trip to another Super Bowl favorite, the Los Angeles Chargers. This game too, they will win, pumping Texans fans into an ever more ecstatic lather as they return home to play Carolina.

However, they will return home only to be NEWT-er’ed by the Carolina Panthers. (Non-football fan NOTE: Cam Newton is the quarterback of the Carolina Panthers.)

You see, the Texans have NEVER started a season 4-0, this is the foundation of the Fallgasm, constant disappointment tempered by the enjoyment of the advent of fall.

This is the fate of Houston professional football fans, but a boon to all Houstonians.