It's Not Me, It's You
By urbanhoustonian at October 12, 2009 | 2:28 PM | Print
I wrote two weeks ago that I was no longer a fan of the Houston Texans. I was being mildly facetious, but have still rather enjoyed the freedom of not having to think about the Texans over these past two Sundays. However, I got weak yesterday, and fell into watching another game in which the Texans exhibited everything that makes them exciting and, ultimately, disappointing.
It’s not that I broke up with the Texans, it’s just that I think it’s better if we just see other people.
That starts at the top with Gary Kubiak. I’ve tried to be supportive, I’ve certainly been forgiving, but yesterday was a perfect example of why I can’t watch this team anymore. When you’re in a relationship, the key to its longevity is being a great partner at all times. If you’re “good” only to make up for your indiscretions, it’s going to lead your boyfriend or girlfriend to eventually question whether you’re really worth the trouble. Yesterday’s game was very winnable, but the Texans dug themselves a hole so big they had to be absolutely perfect in the second half to find a way to win. Here’s the thing, ONE mistake cost them the entire game. And I’m not going to blame Matt Schaub for this loss despite the fact his fourth quarter interception returned for a touchdown was the difference in this game.
Think of something you’ve broken up with somebody over. That is the Texans running game. It’s been a problem this season, a BIG problem, THE problem. And, with the game on the line, what did the Texans need to get a tie to force OT? Yes, the running game. So let’s say this problem you’re having with your partner is they won’t stop talking to their ex. Said ex invites you both to their birthday party. The Texans are RSVP’ing you’ll be in attendance!
So yeah, things between me and the Texans are on the rocks. Well, that’s not entirely true, the problems aren’t with the players, but with the Coach. And the worst thing that can happen for the good-for-nothing partner in these situations is another, more caring and attractive suitor will start coming around. It just so happens that one Mike Holmgren, is itching to get back to the NFL in 2010. Also, according to Terry Bradshaw, Bill Cowher is “desperate” to get back into the NFL. Both have Super Bowl victories under their belt. Our offense, sans the running game, is perfect for Holmgren, while our defense would become one of the NFL’s most terrifying squads in the NFL under the direction of Cowher. Either way, I see no downside. Also, Holmgren too the Seattle Seahawks, yes THE SEATTLE SEAHAWKS!, to the Super Bowl.
For those of you who doubt such lofty coaching aspirations, you don’t give Mr. McNair enough credit. If there is one man who could convince either coach of returning to the NFL with the Texans, it’s Bob McNair. Anyone who can wrest an NFL franchise from the city of Los Angeles is a man to reckon with.
As for Gary? Well, I didn’t think he was going to be able to keep his job this season unless the Texans at least made a legitimate run at a playoff position. Looking at the AFC right now, I just don’t see how the Texans, at 2-3 now, can make a run. The Texans play next week at the Cincinnati Bengals who are coming off a legitimizing road win against the Baltimore Ravens. That will be followed by two out of three games against the Indianapolis Colts, who I don’t see the Texans being able to compete against this season. That means the Texans must win 8 of their remaining 11 games, including a perfect December, JUST to be in a position to make the playoffs in what is a fairly stacked AFC. If the first five games are any indication, this team is not capable of that. Particularly when they were incapable of digging themselves out of a similar hole yesterday.
So it’s time for the Texans to start dating again. They shouldn’t have to try too hard to win some suitors. The offense has a rock solid foundation. I do believe our running game needs some work, but I feel it can be fixed with better coaching instead of a full personnel overhaul. The defense seems to be better each week. Coaching led to a dismal first half from both sides of the ball yesterday. Yes, they coached them back into the game, but remember that boyfriend that only does the nice things when he’s in the dog house? That is the Texans coaching staff.
So here’s to the Texans painting the town Battle Red with a new paramour soon. And sorry Gary, it’s not me, it’s you.
